What To Say (or not) About Grief
Approximately June 14, the Long Beach Press Telegram had a front page story marking the six-month anniversary of the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy in Connecticut. So far, so good. But the paraphrased headline (I don’t remember it exactly, nothing I say here is verbatim) proclaimed “SIX MONTHS LATER, SCARS STILL REMAIN”
Excuse me!? The story (probably written by a very young and idealistic journalist who has never survived a tragedy) began something like this: “Although it has been six months since the tragic shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School, parents are still struggling with the loss.”
Ya think!?
I read this on a Sunday morning and immediately folded up the paper thinking, “I gotta share this with my SOS (Survivors of Suicide) group.”
I held it up before them and read the headline and asked for opinions. Everyone present (not just the parents present) expressed disbelief at this article. Several pointed out what I had first thought – Scars? Don’t scars take a long, long time to appear? Wouldn’t this be more a gaping, bleeding wound?
We all agreed that if this story had been run at, say, a ten-year anniversary, it would make more sense. Anyway, it served as a real eye opener to remind us just how little some people understand the grieving process. And how lucky they are (so far) that they don’t.
— Jeri Livingstone
Jim Kok’s book, The Miracle of Kindness, has some helpful guidance on this subject. For example, in Chapter 6, he writes, “Here is a supposedly comforting sentence that is commonly given: ‘Try to remember she is with the Lord.’ “For the grieving parent, of course, there is comfort in this important truth. It is a powerfully vital hope, but saying this does little to lessen the terrible pain of their child’s death. Certainly their outlook is affected by Easter hope, but there is virtually no softening of their devastating loss by reminders of the child’s ongoing life in Jesus’ presence.” There are more chapters that touch on helpful ways to address another’s grief and loss. If you do not yet have a copy of this practical guidebook to care and kindness, go to www.miracleofkindness.com |
