Light Notes
On the driver’s window of my rental car was a sign that read, “This vehicle is protected by a passive security system.” I didn’t know what that meant until I touched the door and heard, “Aw, c’mon, go away. Pleeeease!”
My car has a feature that I guess is standard, because it was on my last car, too. It has a rotating gas tank. Whatever side of the pump I pull up to, it’s on the other side.
How do you make a hot dog stand?
Take away his chair.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a Chihuahua?
A hot diggety dog.
Why is a hot dog a glutton for punishment?
It feeds the hand that bites him.
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
About a month ago I got a cactus. And a week later, it died. I got really depressed because it was like, “What?!! I’m less nurturing than the desert??!”
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang, so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”
