Practical Tips for Today
—— Judy Gustum
he term, Carpe Diem, is a famous phrase taken from the movie, “Dead Poets Society.” and means to grab an opportunity when it presents itself. It is a phrase we can apply as Ambassadors of Care and Kindness to be ready with intentional acts of kindness throughout our day. Carpe Diem is what we have to do—or all our good works will never happen. Carpe Diem! I challenge you to turn your good intentions into deeds!
We must resolve to employ our gifts and to actively observe and respond to the critical needs of people around us. Here are a few practical steps to get you started on the path that leads to feeling more comfortable with Carpe Diem—to 'just do it'.
First, pray about your talents; and pray for opportunities to use them. Then make a commitment—to God and to yourself—that you will live your life differently, so that you can be a light in another person’s life.
Your commitment should have three parts to it: Observe, Respond and Pay it Forward.
Basically, Observe means to lift your head up, look around, and see what is really happening around you.
- Practice being a people watcher.
- Improve your eye contact.
- Look for a need in people’s eyes.
- Look for people who seem to be hanging back.
- Look for people who are hungry for a compliment, a hug, someone to talk to or someone who will listen.
- Be alert to the difference between what people say (their words) and how they say it.
Careful observation will reveal to you people who are alone and needing someone else’s strength to get them through the day. These are your daily opportunities to share the love of God.
After you’ve gotten better at Observing, push yourself to Respond. When you see a need, big or small, leap into action and do something about it. And, if you are uncertain or afraid (as we all are), pray first, get professional help, if needed, but then get to it with an appropriate response!
To prepare yourself in advance for being better at responding, make a list of the ways you could do it. Here are some suggested tools for responding—see if you can add to the list. Although they are simple and easy to do, we frequently don’t do them! We simply are not intentional or we are too preoccupied, or else we have forgotten what a boost our behavior can be for others.
Smile. Not enough people do this; they frown. Often they don’t even realize that they are frowning. Think about your normal expression. How about right now? If someone looked at you, what would he read from your face? I sometimes have a “set” to my jaw. I clench my teeth and when people see it, they know something is wrong in my world. Sometimes when I am engrossed in thinking about something, others assume that I am upset because of the furrow across my brow. As a result, I consciously work to create a more pleasant look on my face. I try to keep the edge of my mouth upturned rather than too relaxed, which appears down or frowning.
Practice common courtesy. Common courtesy is NOT common! Thank strangers as well as friends, when they do something nice. Speak to people. Say hello. Use eye contact in order to connect and to observe more about people and their feelings. Use compliments liberally; rejoice with another who has done well at something, big or small. Also, don’t forget about courtesy on the road. Slow down and practice the same good manners behind the wheel that you would on a sidewalk.
Build UP, Not Tear Down. Last fall, I asked my 5-year-old granddaughter, Hannah, what she learned on her first day in Kindergarten. She thought for a moment; then with big saucer eyes, she told me, “No put-downs!” To her, that meant to be respectful and courteous of her fellow classmates. WOW! On the very first day of school they were being taught a crucial life lesson.
Share. Whatever you have—a joke, a smile, yourself, your time, your tears, your support—share it. Share your joy, because it’s infectious. Your joy will build others up when they are short on joy. You will be a light for them.
Pray. Pray for opportunities to share Care and Kindness and to pray for those in need. I have learned there is a big difference in the response I get when I tell someone I will pray for them, rather than that secular phrase, “I’ll be thinking of you.” But when you promise to pray, you must do it.
Communicate. Communication is a two-way process, NOT just one-way. People are starved for real communication that is done with others. Communication is a “take turns” game—you speak, I speak, and we share ideas, feelings, and stories back and forth.
It is sad to note that we do too many things alone. When we e-mail friends, we are typically having a one-sided conversation, a monologue, or narration—unless we ask questions, inquire about them, and invite MORE dialogue. If e-mails are a primary source of contact in your family, remember—there needs to be a reply. Even “forwards” need to be acknowledged at some point.
We need to invite communication, whether it is face-to-face, in a card, or a letter, or on the computer. We will succeed at communicating if we engage the other person. But we have to have an interest in people and their lives and then create the environment for them in which they will be comfortable enough to respond and to share more of themselves.
Another tip for successful responding is to use the written word! Send letters, thank you notes, and cards when you cannot be face-to-face. (The simple act of writing a letter, putting a stamp on it, and mailing it, is a lost art.) Read the obituaries in the newspaper or your church bulletin or whenever you get news that calls for an immediate response—and then make contact.
Always have sympathy and get well cards on hand, because you must be timely when an accident, surgery, illness, or a death occurs. If you don’t have cards, it’s far too easy to put off, to forget, or worse, to not to do it at all. And these are those Care and Kindness opportunities that you prayed for.
I recommend you buy BLANK note cards. And while you’re at it, select more than one pattern or style. It doesn’t seem right to send a note card with spring flowers on it in the dead of winter! Why blank cards? Because you can say far better and more sincerely your wishes and greetings than the Hallmark card makers. Buy blank ones (so you are ready) and ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, if you use a card that has a poem or greeting already in it, add a personal note.
When someone has died, nearly every sympathy card at the store speaks of cherished times with that person and that relationships and special moments will live on in your memories. But…think about this! There is nothing more poignant than a hand-written recollection from someone who knew your loved one—a note from someone who cared enough to tell you by writing it down and to share that unique memory. Your handwritten words might be cherished enough to be saved and reread again and again. Practice writing these notes and become accomplished. Just do it! The responses you will receive will warm your heart for a long time and soon the art of the handwritten note will be second nature to you.
The third part of our commitment is the concept of Paying it Forward. The phrase, Pay It Forward, is well known. (It was first a book, and then a movie.) It has been the literary project adopted by many cities and towns across America. The concept of Pay It Forward is that a person does something nice for three people and they each do something nice for three more. As the chain continues, good things grow exponentially and the world becomes a better place. And that is what we as Ambassadors of Care and Kindness are after, right?
I challenge you to consider how you can Pay it Forward. We need to teach our family members, our children, grandchildren, neighbors and friends, how to pass on good Christian behavior. We need to model this behavior—ever mindful that we are someone’s role model, whether we know it or not. We influence people’s lives every day, and our goal should be that our influence will be positive—not negative. If we Pay It Forward, modeling positive behaviors, and emulating Jesus, we are evangelizing and showing the world that we are Christians by our love.
Let’s make the commitment to live our lives differently—starting now—to change our priorities from self to others—to be a light for someone in darkness and to use our gifts in service. Carpe Diem!
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Judy Gustum is a past speaker at one of the Care Conferences and this article was taken from her address, “Taking Care and Kindness Home.” She is a former teacher, businesswoman, and Human Resource Specialist and is a popular speaker on her practical applications of the care and kindness principles taught at the Conference.
