Light Notes
A woman went to the post
office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. “What denomination?”
asked the postal clerk.
“Oh, good heavens! Has it come to this?” said the woman. “Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones.”
The wealthy
wife of a very successful Jewish businessman went to the portrait artist
for her first sitting. The portrait was to be a gift for her husband.
She explained to the artist what she wanted: “You should paint
me like I am. These little wrinkles, you put them on your canvas. The
lines under my eyes, the flab on my arms, the turn in my nose, and the
mole on my cheek, they all stay... BUT on my hands you put lots of rings
with big diamonds and emeralds and bright jewels. Around my neck you put
chains of gold and diamonds. Do you understand?”
The artist looked at her in earnest and asked why she should want such
detail of real life in her physical appearance, but adorn herself with
the phony jewelry.
She replied: “I am not well. When I die my husband will re-marry.
The new wife, she should go crazy looking for the jewels.”
Kids’ Instructions On Life
• “Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.”
Rocky, age 9
• “Sleep in your clothes so you’ll be dressed in the morning.”
Stephanie, age 8
• “Don’t ever be too full for dessert.”
Kelly, age 10
• “When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom
when she’s on the phone.”
Alyesha, age 13
• “Never try to baptize a cat.”
Laura, age 13
• “Forget the cake, go for the icing.”
Cynthia, age 8
• “Stay away from prunes.”
Randy, age 9
