Light Notes
Great Truths About Life That Oldsters Have Learned
• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
• Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
• When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
• You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician.
• With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.
Truisms to Live By...
• If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
• He who hesitates is probably right.
• Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
• Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
• The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
• The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
• The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
• Don’t sweat petty things...or pet sweaty things.
• Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
