Acts
of Care and Kindness!
—— Craig Bourne
Offering
an act of care and kindness is sort of like “waving” at people.
It means at least three things:
1) you notice individuals; 2) you don’t want them to feel excluded; and 3) you draw them into your circle. Simply “waving” at someone almost always elicits a response and it makes people feel good to be noticed. However; I’m not limiting the meaning of “waving” to the traditional hand gesture — I mean any action or word that has the same effect. Let’s look at these three effects more closely.
Notice The Individual
Offering an act of kindness signals that you notice the individual.
You are indicating that you are not caught up in your own world to such
an extent that you don’t see the needs around you. You see people
and their unique situations. You see the individual — as opposed
to a stereotype, a label, or a part of a group.
We
have seen that opposing groups tend to be at odds with each other, (such
as boomers vs. busters, smokers vs. non-smokers, teens and parents, Republicans
or Democrats, Whites and Blacks, developers vs. environmentalists, etc.)
These groups avoid being kind to each other. But it is quite possible
to be kind to individuals, regardless of the group to which they belong.
For example, I don’t have a relationship with “environmentalists”
or “smokers”. My relationships are with Jim and Mike and Sharon
and Anne.
Problems between opposing groups such as mentioned above may well need to be addressed . My point, however, is that most often the individual does not possess the characteristics ascribed to the group. Offering an act of kindness demonstrates that you are not immediately placing that person in a ready-made box with a label. Don’t make Jim or Mike the butt of your attack on a group. Don’t assume that Sharon or Anne will respond in the way you expect from a particular “group”.
Don’t
Exclude
Those who offer acts of kindness try not to do things that make individuals
feel excluded. While it is simple and it is easy to “wave”
at people, it is also quite easy to ignore them. How do we ignore them,
you ask? Well, let’s go back to the group situation. Without thinking,
we are easily guilty of making a strong criticism of a group in front
of a person who belongs to it. Your remark “rejects” the group,
so the person before you also feels rejected! It is an act of care and
kindness to simply be more aware of such situations and avoid making such
comments in the presence of a person who is not personally responsible
for the “sins” of the group.
Another side of the coin is that it’s not necessarily what’s said, but rather the way it is said. A tone of voice can imply so much! Have you ever replayed the tape of a conversation in your head and realized that a comment you made (innocently?) could be taken as belittling? Those who seek to offer kindness also make an effort to avoid these errors.
Draw Others In
Givers of kindness draw others into their circle. “What The World
Needs Now” is more people who are prodigals in cordiality and spendthrifts
of acts of kindness — people who love to share warmth and acceptance.
They provide the warmth of fellowship and friendship that is so much needed
by those who are fighting against the cold of society’s attitudes
towards their groups, such as mentioned above.
For example, suppose that you are at a worship service and notice a couple
of people you haven’t seen before — newcomers. They are conspicuous
because of their clothes, hairstyle, makeup, or what-have-you. Instead
of making an immediate judgment about them based upon what you see, or
putting them into a preconceived box, you go out of your way to meet them
and introduce them to others in your congregation. Drawing your circle
large enough to include them is an act of kindness.
An Example From The Classics There is a scene in Dostoyevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov in which Dmitri has just been sentenced to imprisonment in Siberia. He is so exhausted he falls asleep on a courtroom bench, and when he awakens, he discovers that someone has placed a pillow under his head. He doesn’t know who has done it, but he’s elated. He believes it’s a sign of the goodness of life. He will go to prison, he says, and keep God’s name alive there, because he knows that God is in the world. A small act of kindness gives him courage to face his future. |
What Can I Do?
Acts of care and kindness can be simple. It is the simple thing —
that is so easy to do — that we often overlook. Here are a few real-world
examples, but I’m sure that with a little thought you can come up
with many of your own that you can do every day.
- You’re hosting a party and remember that one of your guests is struggling to stay on a difficult diet, so before the big night, you call him to ask what you could serve that he would enjoy.
- You’re with a couple of friends and become aware that one person isn’t saying much, for the obvious reason that she has no idea what you’re talking about. You steer the conversation in a different direction, toward a subject in which you all can participate.
- Instead of observing the traditional “etiquette” on an elevator by ignoring everyone else in careful silence, you offer a simple greeting to another person and look him in the eye when you say it.
- While waiting in line at the bank or at the grocery store, you share a brief exchange with another person. It doesn’t have to be a lengthy conversation, but you acknowledge her presence by speaking — even if she looks like she might belong to one of those groups!
Remember, when you “wave” at people, you are helping them
to feel noticed and included, and that makes them feel good. And making
another person feel good is an act of care and kindness.
