Ten Actions
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The initial ringing had been slightly intrusive but the woman’s departure was a major statement that the phone call had higher priority than her friend’s distressing family plight. Nothing else should take priority when someone’s personal heartache is being shared.
Attitude adjustment # 2. — Take ownership of everything around you — the people of your church, your school or place of employment, and neighborhood. Begin this process by broadening and deepening your sense of ownership and responsibility of the world of which you are part. The strangers you see, the old-timers you are aware of, the youth and the children are all part of your family. Find ways to connect with them.
A retired Pastor friend of mine and his wife (Duane and Adele VanderBrug) have made it a project to learn, and use, the names of all the children in their church. What a wonderful gift they are giving each child every time they meet them!
Remember, a caring heart is concerned with all of God’s creation. Loving kindness must extend into environmental consciousness, too. Caring Christians are sure to recycle, conserve, and enjoy the beauties of God’s creation, plants, trees, animals, skies and waters. Do not leave the well being of anything or anybody in the hands of others. Responsibility belongs to you and me. It belongs to all of us. Let’s take ownership now.
Attitude Adjustment # 3: — Go into hard places. Resolve to enter some difficult situations. This means places where you do not feel confident, capable, or especially comfortable. Also “knock on the door” where you aren’t sure you are even welcome. You will be surprised how warmly those doors will be opened. (An example of this is approaching a person you regard as unfriendly, aloof, “above you” in education, wealth or attractiveness. Often these are lonely people).
If hard places are too hard, try entering a medium-hard place. I went to visit two former colleagues, now pretty well along in Alzheimer’s Disease. These are medium-hard places—not really hard. They are difficult more for the dismay over seeing these friends’ losses and their “lostness” than for the emotional burden of visiting with them.
Do you know anyone who is in that condition? Do you know a “home” caring for Alzheimer’s patients to whom you could make a visit? Plan to go there.
In my visits to one, I left the “home” dancing. It was such an enjoyable experience. From one, I received an enormous smile; the other was singing his heart out with a few others.
Here are some other concrete suggestions that may stimulate your ideas, or which you may copy:
4. Plan compliments: I was in the Washington Mutual Bank opening a new checking account. The woman who was helping me was efficient, knowledgeable, pleasant. When she needed to go to another part of the bank to look something up, I sat there, pondering what words I would use to compliment her when in a few minutes our business was completed. This is what I said when departing—“Thank you, you are a pleasant and enjoyable person. I appreciated working this out with you.”
5. Carry a ready reply: I now have a regular response I always use when a clerk, or anyone, who has been assisting me in some way and says to me, “Have a nice day.” or “Have a great afternoon” or “Have a great weekend.” I now consistently flash a big smile and respond with, “Thank you, you have already made it better.”
6. Praise the workman: We had our front steps renovated by a professional bricklayer a few days ago. When I got home at the end of my day he had finished the job. It looked beautiful. He will send us a bill, of course, but unlike my usual way of silently enjoying the improvement, I immediately got on the telephone. I called him and exclaimed about how beautiful his work was. Then, too, I will add a note thanking him and praising his work when I send the check for his bill.
7. Compliment people’s pets: On our daily 30 minute walks we often meet a number of folks walking their dogs. My new tactic is to greet them and tell them what beautiful dogs they have. People love compliments about their pets. (Also, offer complimentary words to parents about their children. Priceless gifts!)
8. Give quick “thank you’s”: E-mails that forward interesting and sometimes humorous or devotional thoughts can become overwhelming. I am not consistent at this, but I am trying to send back a quick “thank you.” Whoever sent one was thinking of me. That is valuable and worth appreciating in words.
9. Look at their faces: I walked around the massive, very busy, Costco store a few nights ago. I must have passed a couple of hundred shoppers. Not one made eye contact with me! It is hard to give a friendly smile or any kind of acknowledgment without eye contact. More than ever, I am endeavoring to be “open-faced”, noticing people, looking at them, making eye-contact, and giving a smile.
10. Offer a proper conclusion: As a meeting ends and we all rise to leave, I am endeavoring to say something to the group. It may be, “I enjoyed being with you.” Or possibly, “Thank you; that was a good meeting.” Instead of all of us just turning privately to exit, I am trying to make a warm, positive, concluding statement. (A related version of this I have been practicing for a long time is to say “thank you” after someone says a prayer in a group of which I am part.)
Please let us know what ideas you are including in your daily life. Please send us your personal tactics for being a caring human being. We want to know what you are doing. Please share with us any stories of going into HARD PLACES or anecdotes you or others you know are practicing. We want people to “know we are Christians by our kindness.”
You can send them to my attention at the Crystal Cathedral. I will be warmed by your stories!
Jim Kok
Care Ministry
12141 Lewis Street
Garden Grove, Ca 92840
