Twelve Simple Pieces
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Then, when I exit, the same woman is always there to take my ticket, and push the button that lets me out. That is her job—but I have a job, also. I have to leave her with something that will make her life brighter. She knows me by now because I always say, “You’re beautiful.” And she always reacts 
with, “Oh, oh, wow!” I believe that I have made her life better; at least for that day. And it is so easy. It’s not just something I’m doing for fun. It is my Christian duty in life to see people, and find people, and leave people a little better. You can do that too. So good. So easy. So needed.
I want to give you twelve “secret” points about brightening other’s lives. These are actions that you, and everybody else, can do.
1. Smile generously. We want you to smile more. Do you know that they have found that if they Botox away your frown, you actually end up feeling better, because your mouth can’t frown anymore? It makes a chemical difference in your body if you can’t frown. And smiling raises your immunity level. This is to say nothing about what it does to the persons to whom you give it. You will feel better; and others feel better, too, when you give them that smile.
Some people are genetically-equipped to be easy smilers. So don’t give too much credit to some people, or too little to yourself if you genetically aren’t a natural smiler. But you can do it. And we must see smiling as an assignment in life—not just something nice to do now and then. This is our task. That’s our job. And everybody can do it. Everybody can smile more.
Mother Theresa said, “A smile is the beginning of peace.” That’s how big a smile is.
2. Give a well-wishing farewell. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everybody who met the public actually believed they could brighten another person’s life; actually believed that was part of their job? What if you went into a store, into a doctor’s office, a dentist’s office, and when you left, the woman behind the glass would say, “Thank you for coming here. It is so good to have you as one of our patients.” Wouldn’t that be amazing? This is bringing Jesus Christ into the community, even though you don’t name it. Love is God. And God is Jesus Christ. And every act of love you do is giving them Jesus Christ. If you happen to be an atheist and you do it, it’s Christ going through you, too, even if you don’t know it. Even if you don’t name it.
3. Say “Thank You”. Everywhere you go, every time you do anything, when someone does something for you, make sure you say, “Thank You. I appreciate your help.” Pour it on! I even thank my dentist. We must exude gratitude for what people do. It’s got to be just pouring out of us, all the time. Everywhere.
4. Show interest in people. People are always looking different, wearing different things, different hair-do’s, going different directions. Ask about the things they’re doing. When time allows, ask about people’s kids, or grandchildren, and vacation trips. Everybody is full of those kinds of things to talk about.
5. Name and mention feelings. When a person is sad, it helps them far more if you say, “You look kind of sad today,” than if you say, “Cheer up!” You help people far more by naming their feelings. If they go through a tough time, you say, “Hey, that was tough.” That’s much more healing than, “Buck up!” or “Other people have it worse.” Name their feelings. It is a healing contact to name a person’s feelings.
6. Use people’s names. Let yourself be embarrassed by asking a person their name again. We have to take some risks in this life, and one of them is looking forgetful, admitting that you forgot. It’s ok. You don’t have to pretend to be a genius. “What was your name again?” Work on that. Write it down if you have to.
7. Return phone calls. A few years ago, I read about an MD whose son was gravely ill and he was looking for the best medical person to treat his son. He called a dozen people who had come up on his recommended list, and, of course, most of them were busy. He ended up selecting the one who promptly returned his call. That was the measure of a quality person; he wanted that person.
You send such a caring message to people when you return their calls promptly. You’re sayinig, “It matters to me that you called. I value you.”
Emails are a little different. But I try to say at least say Thank You for sending me the items forwarded—all the inspirational, incredible, fantastic, humorous things that I get all the time (and they are wonderful). There’s just so much more we can do to let people know that what they’re doing matters, so give them a message back.
8. Make eye contact. See people. Look the person in the eyes briefly, but with warmth. If eye contact is hard for you, look at their forehead. Of course, eye contact is combined with a greeting and/or a smile.
9. Greet people warmly. Everywhere you go, be on the greeting warpath (warmpath). Greet those who don’t look at you, who don’t even make eye contact. “Good Morning !” My wife, Linda, and I walk a 30 minute route and some of our “best friends” have come from these walks. People who never even looked at us for six months are now our warm comrades.
10. Act friendly to everybody. Act friendly. You don’t have to feel friendly. Just act friendly, and you will end up feeling friendly. When I was at the airport, I saw a man whose job was Traveler’s Aid. I watched him for about 15 minutes and he was helpful to a lot of people. But he never smiled once. I think he consid
ered his job to be giving information. That is never all we are called to do. But he didn’t get the word—that our job is not just being a machine that transfers information. Our job is to touch people’s lives, to make a difference, to brighten them. Certainly, you’d better give them the right information, but in the process, these human beings lives need to be touched, encouraged, brightened, by just a smile, if nothing else. Your job is never just performing a function—it is people.
I remember in seminary we had this one very distinguished theologian and we were asking “shouldn’t we be thinking about God all the time?” And he said, “If you’re my brain surgeon, I don’t want you thinking about God when you’re going inside my brain.” Before and after, yes! There is a job to be done and the main thing is to do it well. But we always have more than just a task to do: we have people whose lives need to be touched.
11. Touch. Now that’s a delicate one. Some people don’t like to be touched. Some folks you shouldn’t touch, but almost always, a little touch makes a big difference. Find a way to touch. I found in being a hospital chaplain for many years, even these big, tough guys who don’t like to touch anybody always reach out their hand when I’m standing there and I say, “Let’s have a prayer.” Through human touch, I think, God reaches with His touch.
12. Offer compliments. Everyone of you is full of good words, positive responses, appreciative feelings. LET THEM OUT! “You look good.” “I like doing business with you.” “You have a good attitude.” “I love your smile.” Spread, spray, sprinkle them on people. Take a second after any transaction and put into words a short sentence of appreciation. Make it direct and personal. It helps to plan ahead that you will offer such a parting gift, then take 5 seconds to plan what you will say, and say it with a smile.
OK, we want you to change. We’re all changing. This is what it means to witness for Jesus Christ. This is letting God flow through you. You’re giving people a taste of God every time you do any of this. Wow! Let’s keep building the program, increasing momentum, building the team of Jesus people, brightening the world.
Dr. James R. Kok has written a definitive resource detailing the key essentials in becoming a more caring person in his latest book, “The Miracle of Kindness.” A handful of basic tools —wrapped in courage—are the secret to changing the world through intentional acts of kindness.
As the Koach Of Kare, Dr. Kok has been a pastor at the
Crystal Cathedral for the past 24 years and heads the Care Ministry department of the church. He is the author of six books and numerous articles, and he is the founder of the
Conference on Care and Kindness, held annually at the Crystal Cathedral.
